WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC INFORMATION AND A PICTURE OF A SPIDER!!!!
(I always hate it when you’re reading the Metro and you turn the page to find a bloody great big picture of a spider without any warning. I seriously believe they should warn you about that stuff, it’s not right, if you are genuinely terrified of spiders those kind of sudden “Look what climbed out of my bananas at ASDA” stories are awful!! – So here you go, here’s the massive WARNING!!! – that this post is about a spider.)
A spider called Betsy…..
Betsy is a Huntsman spider.
As you know Betsy is not the first huntsman spider I have seen, but she will stay with me for a long time because she and I became bed friends – or rather she moved into my bedroom and I slept on the sofa for a few nights?!!
So lets start at the beginning. Last time I wrote I was staying with the beautiful Claire and her Aussie boy Duncan, in Bondi. It’s been such a great place to stay, the beach is down the road, I have my own room and they are two of the nicest, coolest people ever – I loved it.
But one day my lovely little room was turned into a scene from the film ‘Arachnophobia’. Oh yes, I have seen the film. I cried. I screamed and I had nightmares. For a long time. It still scares me. Spiders are terrifying. Yes they are, just bloody terrifying. FACT!
Anyway one day I woke up and before hoping in the shower I opened the window to let some air into the room. When I returned…..Betsy had taken residence….
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
Let me just tell you this. This picture DOES NOT do Betsy justice. She was a MONSTER. HUGE!!! BLOODY ENORMOUS!!! BIG FAT HAIRY LEGS, BIG GOOGLY FAT EYES AND SHE WAS LOOKING RIGHT AT ME!!!
And then she moved. OH.MYGOD!
Needless to say….I freaked. Fear just gripped me. In every way possible. I think I actually stopped breathing for a while.
Claire and Duncan were asleep at this point so I muffled my screams by clapping my hands over my mouth and promptly shut the bedroom door. Shivering with fear I paced the front room for a good 10mins, thinking “oh my god what the FU*****K am I going to do?!!!
Then I had a cunning plan. I would run away…..
– Yes I realise this is a bit of a theme for my blog, but hey it works?!!!
So I tentatively opened the door…not daring to look at the spot where Betsy was, I grabbed my running gear and got dressed in the bathroom. But before going on my cowardly run I needed to warn Claire and Duncan of the beast that lay within – and by doing so hopefully bring out Duncan’s Auzzie manly prowess and tempt him to tackle the beastie….whilst I was out.
So I wrote a few “Warning” / “Danger, enormous spider” post it notes and left them on the door.
Massive coward….Oh yes. But I am telling you now, when a huntsman looks you in the face, there is really only one option – YOU RUN….FAST…RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!!
For two nights Betsy terrorized the flat, Duncan’s many brave attempts to capture her had failed (She was a cunning beast!) and so for two nights I sort of let her have my room and slept on the sofa….again I’m telling you – she was MASSIVE!!!!!
But it appears Betsy’s reign has come to an end. I have recently learnt that brave and fearless Duncan finally found Betsy and in a battle that took many hours he tackled the beast and succeeded in defeating it.
Yes, Betsy is no more.
Duncan is my hero – he is the huntsman killer and deserves some sort of national award, a medal, a framed certificate or at the very least a large beer. Which is on me!
May she rest in peace, somewhere very, very, very far away….