It’s taken me a few days to get this post up for several reasons, firstly Fraser broke me, it was literally insane and I’ve only just fully recovered, also I’ve been struggling to even think about how the hell I’m going to sum up such an amazing experience in a way that will do it justice and not just repeat the words ‘awesome, hilarious or goon’….I’m not sure I’ll crack it but I’ll try.
Ok so Fraser Island is this enormous island just off of the Western Coast. Be of no doubt, it is vast. A huge sandy landscape filled with hidden lakes, lagoons, rainforest’s, dingoes, ragged cliffs and endless beaches – ’75 mile beach’ as its called gives some clue as to it’s size. Even the surrounding seas are wild and untamed. We were told repeatedly not to swim in the sea, it’s literally teaming with all manner of things that can kill you – strong currents, rips, sharp rocks just under the surface, sharks, stingers etc etc. I didn’t need telling twice…no going in the sea…got it! It may sound like a hostile place but it is without question one of the most stunning and unique places I have ever visited.
The A- TEAM: Stats and specialist Skills –
Me – DJ extraordinaire / Owner of the biggest boobs / bossy chef and general task master
Louise – Best German ever / Veggie / part-time porn star
Rach – Kick arse 4×4 driver – even when sitting on a sleeping bag to reach the peddles / aquatic somersault skills /Sexy su-chef
Tash – Champion goon drinker / often found on the floor / boob flasher
Vicky – Part time mountaineer / superb jumping skills / Can apply make up whilst driving over sand dunes
Ben – Most likely to be found on a car roof / part-time hooligan / full-time ladies man (watch out for those wristbands)
Liam – Ray Mears survival skills / wannabe DJ / 4X4 driving skills to rival Clarkson (my arse is still broken after the drive to Lake Mckenzie!)
Coxy “It’ll be grand” Irish – Specialises in goon drinking and surviving without sleep / can disguise himself as a dingo or dead snake as and when required /funny as fuck
So with a 4X4 packed to the roof (with chocolate and crisps) the A-Team headed to Fraser Island for 3 days of camping and craziness. I was the lucky (bossy) one who got to drive first…..It was awesome! I have never driven a 4X4 before let alone on a beach, in thick sand, through the incoming sea waves, over dunes and past feasting dingo’s. I absolutely loved it – I was Clarkson, Hamilton and Lady Penolope all rolled in to one. There I was bombing down the beach, tunes on, a car full of great people, laughing, singing and knowing we’re all set for an awesome time. This trip was gonna be something special.
The first stop in our convoy was the champagne pools. On a clear, sunny, blue sky can imagine that they would be beautiful. However, it was pissing it down and quite breezy. But not to be deterred on our first team mission we all ventured down. We stripped off and splashed about for about 10mins (posing for as many pics as possible) before clambering out, shivering cold and heading back to the car. Next stop was India Head, a huge cliff that juts out into the sea. By this point the heavens had really opened, my top was like something out of a wet t-shirt competition and making the climb up and down the cliff pretty hairy.
In fact the climb down was just ridiculous the once muddy slopes had now turned into muddy water slides. Needless to say, we fell over. A lot. At one point Rach, Vicky and me got into a fit of giggles – literally stuck in the mud, half way up the cliff, laughing our arses off.
After our poor climbing/falling efforts we were the last team down to the car but instead of jumping in we decided now was the prefect moment to attempt the ridiculously impossible group ‘jump up in the air all at one time’ shot. Again, and again, and again we tried. All holding hands, in the pissing rain, soaked through, trying and failing to jump at the same time. Our inability to master this amused us no end – for the 3 other cars packed full of people waiting and watching us act like idiots…not so much.
Later that day we made it to a campsite. As the weather wasn’t great we’d be staying in a camping round, but hopefully the next night, if the rain had stopped we’d be able to camp out on the beach. Tents up we got to the serious business of cooking and drinking. The goon and cider was in full flow and after dinner Joel (our guide) got out the guitar and we all started a massive sing song. Obviously we sounded dreadful, we were massively out of tune and no one knew all the words but that didn’t matter. We just sang, at the top of our lungs, waving our tin cups of booze in the air and looking happily around at our new found friends. When the camp lights got turned out, we headed to the beach – where things got very messy indeed. Being drunk on the beach is a weird thing. Firstly you are massively unsteady on your feet, you can’t really see, items of clothing, cameras, flip flops, people etc will mysteriously get lost and you’ll wake up in the morning with sand in places you really shouldn’t.
The next morning I woke to find Ben asleep in the car, the boys tent half destroyed (apparently someone had pushed Coxy into it) and the first bit of sunshine we’d seen since getting on the island. Brilliant. A hearty fry up and several coffee’s later we were ready for day two. This was by far my favourite day. First up we headed to hangover creek – a place because it’s great to cure hangover’s, rather obvious if you ask me. It is essentially like a giant tropical bath, a little plunge pool to dunk into and come out feeling refreshed. After the pool we dicked about on the beach a bit trying to show off our gymnastic skills with hand stands and cartwheels, posing for yet more pics, attempting the jump shot (again and again) and generally larking about like the idiots we were.
Next stop was Lake McKenzie. Before we got there though there was the small matter of the drive through the rainforest and over some of the biggest, bumpiest terrain you can imagine. Seriously it was insane, the bumps in the road were massive! I was lucky enough to be in the very back seat for the journey and let me just tell you, my arse is still bruised. Liam was driving and loved it. He smashed us over the bumps one by one to a chorus of “Woooow, Jeesus, my arse, Liaaaaaam!!’ It was pretty cool.
Wventually with a few broken tail bones we arrived. Lake McKenzie. Staggeringly beautiful. A perfect, crystal clear lake surrounded by white sand and tropical rainforest. It was like something out of Blue Lagoon. Paradise. We spent the next few hours pissing about in the water, attempting to somersault each other through the air without loosing bikini’s (not possible so it turns out!), posing for yet more pics and discussing how awesome my boobs are. Yeah we did and yeah they are. Pamela Anderson has nowt on me – ha!
As the weather was so amazing we got to set up camp on the beach for our last night. This was seriously cool. Setting up our little camp behind a sand dune, listening to the waves crashing in and knowing we could be as loud and as crazy as we wanted, all night = good times. The only two things that made camping on the beach a slight issue was the threat of Dingo’s (they are brazen wild animals who will tear through anything to get food, pretty scary) and the fact that if mother nature called the only answer was a torch and a spade…..nice.
Although it wasn’t intentional our little gang ended up spending a lot of time just together. It’s not that we didn’t like anyone else it was just that we’d already found the coolest people there and hanging out together was just the best fun. After dinner we attacked the booze, playing card games just to ensure we got as drunk as possible as quickly as possible. Rounds of ‘fuck the dealer’ merged into ‘ring of fire’ until we reached the optimum level of craziness possible. At this point we rejoined the bigger group and tried to bring our A-Team magic into the fold. Within an hour we’d driven someone elses car, taken over their ipod and made a new playlist, seduced numerous women (Ben) and got everyone smashed playing fuck the dealer. We retreated back to our camp proud of our work and ready to really get the party started.
Our car became the playing ground as the tunes kicked in and we clambered on the roof / bonnet for many, many, many pictures and more silliness. We then attempted to form a human pyramid….???! Ask me why and I have not idea. But as you can imagine, eight people, smashed out of their minds, trying anything remotely coordinated let alone a gymnastic feat such as the human pyramid did not end well. It was a disaster. Fail. Epic Fail in fact. But it was without question absolutely hilarious. The rest of the night was much the same, dancing in the sand, watching Tash fall over, getting picked up and carried about by the boys and having the best time. GO HOME DINGO!
The last day (after we’d packed up camp and attempted to eat some rather disgusting scrambled eggs made in a dirty pan – so gross) we headed off to another secluded lake, this time surrounded by rolling sand dunes including one massive one that rolled right into the water. We were all feeling pretty fragile it has to be said, so the 40min hike to the lake was pretty harsh especially with the constant assaults from the ever present horse flies (These things were everywhere, the size of you thumb with a bite 5times as painful as a wasp sting – nasty, nasty things). After a few hours at the lake we headed back to the cars and set off on the journey home.
Louise drove us back to the ferry and while the rest of the car snoozed I thought back on the past few days, how these people had become great friends in such a short space of time, how much we’d laughed, all the things we’d seen, the fun, the laughter, the goon – I loved every single moment of it and feel so lucky to have met such awesome people.
A-TEAM YOU ROCKED MY WORLD – BIG LOVE XXX