The internet is a scary place…

12 Jun

I’m still on a bit of a quest to find a good date for the dinner in the dark challenge, and thinking of suitable dates has got me mulling over the whole internet dating thing. I know some people swear by it and lots of my friends say it would be a great thing for me to do but I’m not sure….not yet anyway.

I mean really, is internet dating a good place to meet people and broaden your horizons or simply a buffet table of leftovers that no one else really fancies a nibble of…..

I did actually try it years ago, about 6 years ago to be exact and it’s a whole minefield of obstacles. Setting aside the weirdos and serial shaggers who just use these sites to pray on hopeful young ladies, it is a seriously complicated business. Every sentence you write, every image you post is viewed and judged by a total stranger – and then selected or rejected accordingly. Romantic, it isn’t

First up the profile. This should come very naturally to me, being as I waffle on about myself on a pretty regular basis…but even thinking about this brings me out in a cold sweat. It’s the pressure of the whole thing. You basically have to write something amazing, something witty and wonderful that will hopefully attract a hunky chunk of blue Stilton and not the placid, slightly sweaty piece of pork pie no one wants. You still with me or has this buffet metaphor just totally gone off?!

Ok so the profile. I’ve done a little investigating and I think there are basically two types of profile writers. Those that tell the truth and hope to be loved regardless and those that lie. Big fat, huge in your face lies.

I’d like to think I’d be the first kind of dater, honest and to the point. I mean what chance do you have of meeting someone lovely if you start off fibbing about yourself?!  Ok so just to have a bit of a practice, here’s how my honest profile write up could sound…..

Blonde, 31-year-old, ZomersetGirl, recovering from total heart-break but still a hopeless romantic. Clinging to the idea that Mr right is out there somewhere. (He’s just really good at hiding….a lot.) Slightly obsessed with cheese, dogs, Wham!, Topshop and achieving the perfect size ten body – which is in total conflict with my ass and boobs which defiantly want to stay at a size 12 regardless of what I do! Sometimes feisty, occasionally bossy, known to suffer from bursts of road rage coupled with an ongoing need to drive over the speed limit. A sort of fair weathered passion for running and Pilates but would much rather be tucking into some chocolate, whilst watching a cheesy film and sipping on a cup of tea. A true bumpkin at heart I secretly yearn to head back to Zomerset, make jam, have lots of babies and bake cakes for the local fete – although really I’m a total contradiction as I’m sure I’d be bored in a week, start drinking in the afternoon and plotting a return to the big smoke. Interests include drinking too much red wine, spending far too much money on the latest shampoo, lipstick, mascara, wonder cream going, dancing to cheesy songs, singing in my car, seeing my friends for more drinking/dancing, eating out and shopping. I should say art galleries and the like but the last time I was in a gallery it was during a hen-do when we took to the bar for some posh cocktails?! Looking for someone who thinks I’m funny, who can make me laugh, who’s passionate, not dull, loyal and just a bit brilliant. Oh and if he could be ever so slightly gorgeous too that would be a bonus….

Hmmmm….too much honesty. Maybe just a tad.

Ok so option 2, exaggerating/twisting the truth just a little bit…I could do that….

Blonde city girl with a country heart, T-total, amazing skier/horse rider, into literature, the arts and the latest pop up/underground art scene. An avid keep fit junkie, yoga and Pilates are a must, along with my daily cycle into work and the weekend salsa classes. I speak several languages, have traveled the world and absorb culture wherever I go. I can cook up a storm and count Jamie Oliver as a close personal friend. Politics and poetry are my two passions, and I’m actually in the process of publishing a collective work of poems based around the Blair/Brown relationship…..

Too much??

Doesn’t it all seem that rather a lot of work?!! I mean really, can’t I just wait for a movie moment to come along and Mr Wonderful to bump into my life….

No….arses.

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One Response to “The internet is a scary place…”

  1. The T June 13, 2011 at 12:58 am #

    Dearest Zomerset…

    Amazing girl…I’m not really sure why you seem to be so hard on yourself…how could “you” possibly have a hard time finding a date? You’re fabulously beautiful…not just in a small way… your pic gives you great justice. The way you describe yourself seem like you’re being a little hard on yourself. I’m nearly certain that any man would love spending time huzzling your neck with his soft kisses….draping your head across his lap while he gently touches your forehead…or just simply laying next to you looking into your face a you sleep…

    Yep….you’re that kind of girl… too bad, i’m half way around the world stuck in the Caribbean and not local to you… you’re exactly the kind of girl the word “romance” was created for…

    T.

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