Archive | July, 2011

I heart Wendi

20 Jul


Mr Murdoch you have got yourself one hell of a lady there. Not only is she half your age and gorgeous but it turns out she has some secret ninja moves. Dainty but dangerous she’s on a constant state of alert ready to leap into on coming foam pies and save her man. What a woman.

I’m not a Murdoch fan, that’s not where I’m going, trust me. But I love that Wendi leaped up, without a moments hesitation  and with one bitch slap of her hand said to the world “back the F off my man or face my wrath!”.

We hear a lot of stories of men standing by their ladies, defending their honour or protecting them from certain peril (which in this day and age normally means things like shielding us from the drunk on the tube, offering to carry that really heavy bag or lending us a jacket when we’ve worn entirely the wrong thing and the heavens open – those sorts of perilous things…). But rarely do see such moments when a woman has stood up, starred fear in the face (or foam) and protected her man.

Quite right too. I would like to think that my feisty nature, oh yes I have one, would come flying to the fore should my man (when I have one) be in need of protection. In fact I think I’d do a pretty good line of protection. No one would see it coming, but with the speed of a panther and a flick of my hair I’d disarm and calm. Situation sorted.

So there you go girls. With one move Wendi has sent out a message – “Ladies when your man needs you, you better be ready, cause he ain’t taking no foam in the face today!”

Wendi the ninja moves in

10 Things you didn’t know about Wendi…..

Switched on but turned off….

17 Jul

Ok so confession time….

I have been sort if hiding away for a bit having my very own self-pity party. It mostly involved eating crappy food, giving myself a hard time, crying (a lot) and attempting to down my sorrows with red wine. It wasn’t actually a very fun party. In fact it sucked. I have no idea where the self imposed pity party came from, I don’t remember sending out invitations or putting the “feel crap about yourself” date in my diary but there it was. Like a big black cloud following me about.

All the while I’ve been attempting to lift my spirits by cracking the internet dating thing. But I’ve actually discovered it left me feeling cold, which may be part of the problem.

Since I launched in to it I’ve had lots of lovely emails, messages, compliments etc and after a few weeks decided that it was time to go on my first date.

So that was it decision made. The guy in question was a 32year old teacher, very funny, pretty good-looking and actually really charming….all be it on email anyway?! So when he asked me out I agreed. We started texting a bit and I was pretty excited about meeting him. I spent the night before panicking about what to where, what to do if he was a) horrible b) smelly c) boring or d) absolutely gorgeous?! I was nervous, very nervous. But then….he cancelled. Apparently he was sick. Ok….no problem I said, I hope you feel better soon… a week later we tried again, a date was booked in, my outfit chosen, nerves pretty steady….then he cancelled AGAIN?!!! This time his car had broken down. Yeap, broken down.

Now by this point I was just over it. Obviously he’d got cold feet, or reread my profile/looked at my pics and decided I was a ug-bug and not worthy of a date. Whatever it was it made me feel crap. Which is ridiculous because I don’t even know this guy?!

And that’s when it hit me. Why am I doing this? I don’t really enjoy the forced process thing, I know I’m not ready to actually meet anyone and it all feels so cold and cringeworthy. So again, why am I doing this? Do I really want to be doing this right now?!

The answer came back as a big fat NO. Nope. No thanks.

So I’ve made a decision to sack it in and just have fun the old fashion way – meeting random guys in bars, yeap that’s much more fun! ;0)

And boys aside….because life is about way more than that!!!….it’s time for some summer fun – so that’s my plan, fill my time with fun, big massive bags of fun.

It’s time to get happy again.

Shopping for boys….

4 Jul

So I’ve gone and done it.

I am officially doing the online dating thing. Well I say doing it, technically I have written a profile and uploaded some pics….I have yet to go on my first date.

The profile bit was as expected, very painful. Only after several glasses of wine did I actually save it. It’s a really tricky thing to do, you know whatever you say is going to be read and judged by a whole load of strangers – talk about pressure.

I tried to strike the balance between normal, but not dull, fun but not annoying so, interesting but not predictable, sane and not a total freak. I even wrote in the first line that it was hard to do this without making yourself sound like a total prat….I’m not sure that was the smartest move but it’s true.

It’s all a bit weird though. It’s like setting out a little shop. You decorate your window with pictures of yourself then stick up a load of signs “funny, easy-going, not mental” in the hope some passing male browser will say “hey, I like the look of that window, I’m gonna go in and see what’s on offer…”

All the time you’re there, eagerly waiting for someone to pass by, take a peek and hopefully say they like what they see. It’s torture. And my god there are some freaky looking peeps out there. Seriously! Now I know it’s all about whats on the inside but seriously, sometimes, it just isn’t!

And it’s weird, looking for boys. You’re literally window shopping for men.

Clicking through the images with all the heart of Simon Cowell, a resounding”next!” ringing out with each click. Nope not for me…..too fat, too thin, too ginger, too pointy, too keen, too many fingers?! It’s so heartless.

But let me just tell you this. It is absolutely addictive. Shopping for boys. Such a fun way to pass the time!

So there I am. Clicking away and being clicked on (which sounds much ruder than I mean it to) so where’s it all got me…. well I’ve had some very nice messages, some ok but not quite right messages and some messages that, well, lets just say they made me feel a bit wrong….blurgh!!

But at some point, you have to progress from the messaging stage to the actual date.

Shit sticks.

So that’s where I’m at. I have a date. A date with a guy from the Internet.

If he turns out to be a total freak I’m blaming you!

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