Switched on but turned off….

17 Jul

Ok so confession time….

I have been sort if hiding away for a bit having my very own self-pity party. It mostly involved eating crappy food, giving myself a hard time, crying (a lot) and attempting to down my sorrows with red wine. It wasn’t actually a very fun party. In fact it sucked. I have no idea where the self imposed pity party came from, I don’t remember sending out invitations or putting the “feel crap about yourself” date in my diary but there it was. Like a big black cloud following me about.

All the while I’ve been attempting to lift my spirits by cracking the internet dating thing. But I’ve actually discovered it left me feeling cold, which may be part of the problem.

Since I launched in to it I’ve had lots of lovely emails, messages, compliments etc and after a few weeks decided that it was time to go on my first date.

So that was it decision made. The guy in question was a 32year old teacher, very funny, pretty good-looking and actually really charming….all be it on email anyway?! So when he asked me out I agreed. We started texting a bit and I was pretty excited about meeting him. I spent the night before panicking about what to where, what to do if he was a) horrible b) smelly c) boring or d) absolutely gorgeous?! I was nervous, very nervous. But then….he cancelled. Apparently he was sick. Ok….no problem I said, I hope you feel better soon…..so a week later we tried again, a date was booked in, my outfit chosen, nerves pretty steady….then he cancelled AGAIN?!!! This time his car had broken down. Yeap, broken down.

Now by this point I was just over it. Obviously he’d got cold feet, or reread my profile/looked at my pics and decided I was a ug-bug and not worthy of a date. Whatever it was it made me feel crap. Which is ridiculous because I don’t even know this guy?!

And that’s when it hit me. Why am I doing this? I don’t really enjoy the forced process thing, I know I’m not ready to actually meet anyone and it all feels so cold and cringeworthy. So again, why am I doing this? Do I really want to be doing this right now?!

The answer came back as a big fat NO. Nope. No thanks.

So I’ve made a decision to sack it in and just have fun the old fashion way – meeting random guys in bars, yeap that’s much more fun! ;0)

And boys aside….because life is about way more than that!!!….it’s time for some summer fun – so that’s my plan, fill my time with fun, big massive bags of fun.

It’s time to get happy again.

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