Bumper stickers for boobs

22 Jun

The shock of the C-Bomb stayed with me for quite a while…….well truth be told it’s still there, like some kind of weird evil monkey that just pops up. And pop up he does, all day, every day, I’m in the shower and he’s there (pervert!), making a brew – oh look there he is, settling down for some much, much (!) needed sleep – no, don’t think so, the C Monkey has other plans, he’s going to chat incessantly at your head for hours and hours and hours. I hate the C Monkey. I’m pretty sure he ate all my chocolates too.

The other annoyance in my life is my very, very sore boob, the one that got prodded and poked with big old needles. Jeeze it smarts! Every single wobble, bounce and jiggle is painful. I’m pretty sure this would be less painful if I had small boobs, small boobs don’t jiggle quite so much or with such rebound motion – at least I don’t think they do, it’s not really something I’ve ever had to think about before.

Anyway, the jiggle avoidance game is not a fun one. My poor mum & sister have had to drive like drunken idiots to try to avoid any bumps in the roads, any looming pot holes or potential dips that might cause me to wince in bouncy agony.

This has got me (and the C Monkey) thinking, wouldn’t it be a great idea if after your trip to hospital they gave you a “Boobie care package” to take away…..stuff that means people know you have a sore boob and to essentially mind the fuck out the way!

So you’d get a boobie bumper sticker for your car so people don’t think you’re driving like a lunatic –

“CAUTION: Broken boob on board” or “CAUTION: Nervous nipple behind the wheel”

They could even make badges, like the ones pregnant women have on the tube, saying something like –

– “Boob, not on board” – that would be handy to have post op I guess….

You’d also get one of those U shaped travel pillows, that you put round your neck – only it wouldn’t be for your neck, it would be for your sore boob. Imagine that. A boob, just nestled into one of those travel pillows, wow, what a comfy place that would be!

They also need to think of something more practical for the shower situation. I was told to get a shower cap and put it on your boob to stop the dressings getting wet. Right then. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever put a shower cap on your boob before put it’s pretty ridiculous and it just doesn’t stay on no matter how much tape you use. Oh yes, I taped the damn thing to my boob. You know that plastic popping, bubble wrap stuff you get to protect vases and stuff – well that’s basically what my boob ended up looking like. One giant puffed up bubble, waiting to be popped. This actually really amused me, I mean I got a fit of giggles for about 5mins it was that absurd. I almost took a picture. But think that may have been one step too far in this whole sharing thing…

So there you go, essentially there is loads of cool stuff these breast doctors could devise for the after care boob package….If you have any other idea please let me know – I could do with all the giggles I can get!

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3 Responses to “Bumper stickers for boobs”

  1. Steve June 22, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

    Jodie, as someone on your Facebook wrote, I’ve only met you twice I think, at Reading, for maybe a total of 4 or 5 hours, and you won’t have the faintest idea who I am (one of Beattie’s mates); but your blogs are amazing! Beautiful! You were born to write you know! Your strength and positivity is an inspiration and exactly why you’ll breeze through this life hiccough!

    Shared your blog with the wife (who defeated her own personal challenge in a different part of the body) and she related to your story immediately, and at the same time it shocked her that she might have ignored a patch of dry skin or eczema!

    We both send love and best wishes!
    Steve and Kris xxx

  2. Ingrid October 24, 2012 at 10:28 pm #

    Jodie just seen you on Newsnight -you were witty and strong just as you are here. Your honesty is remarkable. Good luck with the rest of your treatment

    • zomersetgirl October 29, 2012 at 9:28 pm #

      Thank you Ingrid, I was so, so terrified and said no to them twice! But a little voice in my head told me I could be brave. and do it. I think getting through this summer has shown me what I’m capable of – even if I never dared think it. And who knew Paxman would be so lovely!

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