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“Expectation is the root of all heartache”

31 May

I stole that quote from Shakespeare. What a clever bard he was. It’s been in my head a lot lately. I think I’m going through a period of reflection, a self review if you will. Time will do that too you, too much of it and your brain overthinks everything, the microscope monkeys come out and slide every speck of life under the lens to examine again and again.

The expectations in question don’t refer to my health. For once, thankfully, in that area everything is on the mend (touch everything wood based I can find and hold it tightly – does MDF count?). And by on the mend I mean that I am now officially half robot. I have completed the bionic transformation with two, yes two, new hips to match my two new (Ish) boobs (long story, one for another time….) So nope, it’s not my health thats got me thinking about expectations it’s my head, or more specifically, my heart.

At what point do you accept that the expectations you have aren’t your reality? And once you’ve accepted that can you ever be ok with it? Can you simply adapt, accept it and agree to adjust. For many, this could be a viable option, especially if you have something you think is worth adjusting for, something you could make sacrifices for, change and adapt for. But say you make those sacrfices, you wave goodbye to the expectations and adjust, can you ever really be truly happy, or have you just admitted defeat? Are you settling for less than you really want, do those hopeful expectations every really go away?

I’ve always had high expectations of everything, especially love. I’m not sure what girl doesn’t. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, movies have a lot to answer for – dam you Ryan Gosling and your beautifulness. But it isn’t just in the movies, it’s life, it’s everywhere. My friend recently celebrated her one year wedding anniversary and I got to see the wedding highlights video for the first time. It was everything the day itself was, simply magical. However amongst the magical montage of their beautiful day one part in particular struck me. Looking back I’m not sure why it didn’t hit me at the time – I can only assume it was because the whole experience was like being in an actual movie and I wasn’t focused on me or my situation – just them.

But now, with time wrapped around me like a thick fog I can’t shake off, this one thing stood out so clearly it was like a beam of light, penetrating the fog and helping me see clearly for the first time.

The bit in question was a small snippet from the grooms toast to his new bride. In it, he said simply, that “Love, isn’t about finding someone you can live with, it’s about finding someone you can’t live without”.

I’ve been thinking about that line and his total declaration of love for his stunning new bride ever since. Don’t we all deserve to feel that much, to have someone feel that much for you and to share it so completely in return? That utter certainty, that unshakeable feeling that you have found completion with someone else. Falling in love should be all consuming, it should leave you feeling free, lifted, hopeful and full of excitement for the unknown future ahead – even with all the challenges that may arise. Because, if together, you truly are better, then the future shouldn’t leave you uncertain or unsure. It should stretch out in front of you like a great adventure. One you can’t wait face together. One you simply can’t imagine, facing without each other. For this bride and groom it wasn’t enough to find someone they could face it with, they wanted to find someone they could’t imagine facing it without.

So the question remains, are expectations a good thing in love – are they the very thing that lead you to your own ‘can’t live without’ moment, or, actually, is there also something to be said for adapting, adjusting and waving those weighty expectations goodbye. After all, finding someone you can live with, that you’d be willing to do all that for…..maybe that’s worth just as much too.

Ok, late night ramblings over, at 2.30am, nothing makes sense any more and the microscope monkeys have fallen asleep on the lens. They aren’t a pretty sight in usual lighting but magnified they’re much worse. Time for bed little monkeys.

Here’s hoping you all have someone you can’t live without who holds you just as tightly in return.

Robot girl over and out.

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