Tag Archives: australia

Movie moments – take one

8 May

As you may have already gathered from my ramblings I have quite a vivid imagination…crazy neon colours type vivid. Now, I’m going to let you in on a little secret, a small, somewhat embarrassing thing I do called ‘Movie Moments’.

If there was entry on Wikipedia for Movie Movements it would read a little something like this: Movie Moments – this is a process whereby an individual of sane mind creates an entirely fabricated scenario which is then played out in their imagination. The scenario often resembles that from a movie and will also include an all-important sound track to add to the experience.

To give you an example every single time I’m working out, in a gym, running, anything…. it’s a movie moment. To be more specific the exercising movie moment I’m in – is a montage, a transformation montage to be precise. It’s that part of any romcom movie when the jilted girl gets fit, looses loads of weight and generally looks fabulous. It is in my head where I transform from a curvy (wobbly), short arsed wilderbeast into a galloping long legged gazelle – all to the soundtrack of kick ass songs like “Since you’ve been gone” by Kelly Clarkson or “Single Ladies” by Beyonce. I’m serious. I imagine my transformation montage every single time I’m exercising.

Another movie moment would be the ‘randomly meeting the man of my dreams movie moment’….I have this one a lot. For example recently I was enjoying a coffee sat in the window of a gorgeous boutique café and started imaging my movie moment scenario……maybe a guy will trip up right outside the window, I’ll giggle, he’ll see me, laugh too, our eyes will meet, we’ll share a muffin and wham! – love of my life…..you get the picture.

I loose myself in these little movie moments all the time. And whilst I know they are totally absurd, ridiculous and actually a bit sad I am desperate for one to happen in real life. But of course they never do. Of course not – because they totally absurd, and ridiculous. And even though I know this, even though I know they will never, ever come true, I’m still over come with disappointment that they don’t?! I know. Crazy right. Oh yes.

So this is what happened when I returned from Australia. 24hours is a long time to be travelling. It’s epic in fact. And so fuelled by a severe lack of sleep, far too much red wine and 2 night nurse tablets (seriously not recommended?!) I started to imagine my movie moment arrival home….These were the various scenarios I played out in my head –

Movie moment 1: I come through the arrivals hall, pushing my luggage trolley, searching the sea of faces for my family……and then running towards me, pushing through the crowds come my two gorgeous nieces, screaming my name, with massive smiles on their faces, closely followed by my mum (who’s naturally crying with joy) and my sister. I scoop up my nieces covering them in kisses and cuddles, I’m crying too at this point, then on to a massive, meaningful hug with my mum and sister. We’re all crying and laughing. Reunited. They are over joyed to see me. It’s wonderful. The sound track here would be something like “You’ve got the love” by Florence & the Machine.

Reality check – I land at 6am. Yes 6am. There is absolutely no way on earth my sister would drag my poor nieces out of their beds at 3am to travel the 3hrs up from bumpkin land to London just to meet me off a plane. Not a chance.

Movie moment 2: (Please hold the judgements on this one, I was drunk and drugged remember!) I come through the arrivals hall, pushing my luggage trolley, searching the sea of faces …..and then….him. Yes. He’s there. Standing there with a massive bunch of flowers, and maybe a balloon, and most definitely a banner of some kind (I love a home made banner!). We walk slowly towards each other…. neither of us say a word…..we just….know. We embrace, tears streaming down our cheeks and then we kiss and it’s all wonderful…..The sound track here would be something like Coldplay or Snow Patrol, maybe the last minuet of Open Your Eyes, with all the strings and violins – I LOVE the violins. Goosebump central!

Reality check – HELLO?!!!! WTF?!! Have you not just spent 3months getting over this guy, come on woman get a grip. I practically slapped myself round the face on the plane once I’d played out this little movie moment in my head.

NO, NO, NO, NO….NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. STOP IT!! Deep breath. Right then.

So eventually I settled on a version of movie moment 1, with a few little tweaks, namely that it would just be my mum. My wonderful mum. The woman who’s spent the last 3months telling me how much she loves me and can’t wait to have to me home….yes my mum, a lovely movie moment of me arriving into Heathrow running into the arms of my mum for a massive cuddle and a few tears. This was brilliant. The perfect arrival at the airport scene – like something out of ‘Love Actually’. And this time it was gonna happen for real, finally one of my movie moments would come true.

By the time the plane had landed I’d sobered myself up and had started to get all nervous and excited. I was gonna see my mum, I couldn’t wait.

I walked through the arrival doors with all the other passengers, a big smile on my face, nervously searching the sea of faces for my mum. My fellow passengers were being greeted by loved ones all around me, it was wonderful. I walked on a bit, slowing down. Still searching the crowds for my mum. My trolley slowed down a bit more, then eventually stopped. I looked and looked but there was no sign of her. I was certain that at any moment she’d come bursting through the crowd to sweep me up in a massive cuddle….but no, no mum. No mum at all.

Maybe she’d got stuck in traffic, she’d come running in any moment now. Five minuets passed. Then 10. By now everyone on my plane had been collected, embraces had and reunions done. Not me. I’m still there with my trolley and now I’m starting to get worried. This is Zomerset Mum, she would never be late, something awful must have happened. My Auz phone wasn’t working now that I was back on UK soil so I begged the main behind the information desk to let me use his phone….

“Mum?? Where are you, are you ok?”

“Oh hi darling yeah I’m fine, just on my way to Heathrow…”

“WHAT?!!! On your way to Heathrow?! I landed an hour ago?!!!”

“Oh, really, oh god. I’m sorry darling, you told me not to rush….I’m on my way though”

“Fine I’ll meet you in the café called Bite – see you soon.” HUFFF.

Brilliant. My own mother had basically forgotten about me. I mean, I’d only been away for 3months it’s not like she missed me or anything?! I was sooooo pissed off. This was the movie moment I felt certain I’d get. My movie moments are always a disappointment (being as they are massively ridiculous and in the “never gonna happen” category) but this one….this one I was certain would happen. But no. Mum forgot about me. Lovely.

Eventually she arrived and after failing to find the café (that was all of 50meters away from the arrival area) I heard my name being called on the tanoy – great, just what I wanted, my name being called over the loudspeaker. Oh the shame of it.

So rather than an emotional, lovely embrace what happened was a very moody exchange of “I can’t believe you weren’t here” and “how could you forgot about me” and “Well you told me not to rush”…..etc etc

It turns out there were three reasons why Zomerset Mum was so late –

1)    She got very, very drunk the night before with her friend Sue (yes Sue I am placing some of the blame with you!)

2)    Because of the above, she left a little bit (read a lot) later than she should have done, hampered no doubt by the massive hangover she’d woken up with

3)    Due to all of the above she had forgotten everything I’d told her about my flight times

So there you go. Movie moments. I have them all the time and they never, ever come true. If only my damm imagination would take a break and save me from this disappointment.

Actually that’s a lie. One movie moment did come true. When I first came to London the phrase fish out of water couldn’t have been more appropriate. I had absolutely no idea what the hell I was doing, I was dressed wrong, had a funny accent and kept thinking that at any moment a couple of blokes would escort me out of the city saying “sorry love, you just don’t belong here”. I was so uncool. Seriously uncool. I’d look at the Starbucks girls and wish I was one of them. They’d come swishing out of Starbucks their mocha, choca, late, extra foam, shot, thing in hand, mobile in the other, looking uber stylish in their amazing outfits and killer heels, heading off to some meeting or another. I didn’t even like coffee. That was never gonna be me.

But a few years ago, I was dashing off to a meeting wearing my favourite outfit, a super tight black and white stripped dress, with my waist nipping black blazer, killer accessories and my bright coral heels. I looked hot. I rushed into Starbucks to grab my usual – a skinny hazelnut latte and ran out into the sunshine. Then I stopped. Oh my god. I was a starbucks girl! It had actually happened. I had somehow morphed from a lost bumpkin into the kind of girl I used to stare at. Such was my joy at realising this I called my boyfriend at the time, to try and explain it to him. I was a starbucks girl! Of course he had no idea what I was talking about and I’m pretty sure he thought I was drunk but I didn’t care. I was so happy.

So there you go, maybe that’s why I can’t stop imaging the movie moments. Because maybe, just maybe, one day, one of them will come true….oh god I’m pathetic!

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AuMy first shark!

27 Mar

So the day after we arrived in Brisbane we headed off on a tour of Moreton island. We’d booked ourselves for a full day of action and adventure – namely exploring the island in 4W4’s, snorkeling the reef around a couple of sunken boats, sand surfing and swimming. A full on, high adrenalin, non stop, action packed day – bring it on!

I’m not a massive fan of boats (as you’ve heard many times now) but it really was very pleasant sitting on the top deck, soaking up the sun, enjoying a coffee and talking (porn) with Louise. Yes porn. Apparently the Germans are pretty famous for their porn, I’m beginning to think Lou could actually be a porn star :0)

On the boat to Moreton Island

As we approached the island the sunken reef came in to view, this is the spot where we’d be snorkeling very soon. Needless to say my nerves started to kick in. What the hell was I doing?!! Ok, lets just take a moment here to reflect……I have a (massive) fear of deep water and of fish (big swallow you in one bite kind of fish) and yet I was about to go, willingly, in to very deep water for a bit of snorkeling. Where I would, no doubt, come face to face with big fish….Right then. Good decision….is it too late to stop the boat?!

Off the boat we meet our guide for the day, a suitably tanned, upbeat and very buff Auzzie by the name of Ned. Great name! Before you could say 007 we were in our wetsuits headed for the water. Little note here to say that despite Daniel Craig’s efforts no one looks good in a wetsuit. No one. Mine was about 2 sizes too big and would have been perfect for someone with freakishly long legs. Sadly I do not have freakishly long legs, the exact opposite in fact, so in a rather embarrassing move I was forced to roll mine up at the ankles, several times in fact. Not a good look but very, very funny.

Actually the whole thing was pretty hilarious, both me and Lou looked ridiculous and couldn’t stop giggling as we flapped about in the shallows, much like rubber clad beached Whales, testing out our goggles and snorkels.

Me flapping about

Then before you could say “I’ve changed my mind, I’ll say here and take some pictures thanks, maybe get started on the sarnies for lunch…yes?” We were in the water. We were told not to put our snorkels into the water while we swam out to the reef. No reason was given at the time but later Ned told us it was because most people have a tendency to totally freak out when they realise how deep, dark and bloody terrifying it is. Good point. After a long swim we made it to the reef. Then came the call –  “ok you can put your heads in the water now…” it was exactly 10 seconds after that instruction that I totally and utterly freaked out. All consuming panic. ….”oh my God, oh my God, oh my God” / ” fuck, fuck, fuck” / “I can’t do this!!!”

The view that I saw when I put my head under sent a tidal wave of solid fear right through me. All I could see was the side of the sunken boat disappearing into a whole load of nothingness, deep, deep, nothingness…..just my little legs flapping about….nothing below but darkness and the odd fish head appearing out of the gloom. OH.MY.GOD.OH.MY.GOD.OH.MY.GOD……Ned noticed me having a slight moment and came over, he was absolutely brilliant. He asked if I wanted to go back…my whole body wanted to say YES, but there was no way I was bailing on this. I am Zomersetgirl on an adventure, trying new things and being brave god damn it…. There’s no way I’m quitting. Come on girl get some balls! So Ned, me and Lou stuck together for a bit, swimming along the reef, until I started to feel more confident. Gradually the fear subsided and I reaslised that although my heart was still pounding and I’d clamped my snorkel mouth piece so hard I couldn’t feel my jaw any more, I was in fact having a good time. Scrap that, I was having a great time. It was absolutely beautiful…memorizing in fact. Hundreds and hundreds of beautiful fish just swimming about, nibbling at the bread we were feeding them, just as interested in us as we were with them. It was also massively funny owning to the fact that we looked like a pair of drowning dogs every time we surfaced, goggles stuck to our bulging eyes, hair mashed to our faces, our German/English chat even more incomprehensible due to the snorkel bits in our mouths…something that sent us into a frenzy of giggles, spluttering, snorkel filled, half drowning giggles every time. So much fun.

Me & Louise – drowning/giggling underwater

I was loving it. But then Ned called out “Come over here everyone, there’s a shark right here…come and have a look“. What the …???? Ned had just said two things that really didn’t make sense – 1. The word ‘Shark’ and 2. Come and have a look???!!! In my head it should have been 1. Fuck it’s a sharrrrrk!! followed swiftly by 2. Swim for your lives!!! Once again full on panic headed my way. Ned assured me it was very, very small, very, very harmless and if I looked he promised it wouldn’t be as bad as what I was imagining. He was right of course. For what I was imagining was the lift floor from the YHA….(look at the Brisbane post for that pic – essentially Jaws looming up to eat me whole) what I got was in fact a very small, beautiful, little brown and white spotted shark  just sitting on the bottom of the boat a few meters down from me.

WOW! I had seen a shark! I had seen an actual real life shark! Totally and utterly amazing. This was a moment I had dreamed about, thought about, imagined for many, many years and here it was. A beautiful little shark, just below me. I was so happy I can’t even begin to describe the feeling. I was still terrified of course but I was also very, very happy and just a little bit proud of myself….very proud of myself in fact.

Loving it!

Snorkeling done we headed off in the 4W4 for the sand surfing…..as we kangaroo hopped along the sandy road it became apparent quite quickly that a bikini definitely did not provide the support required for such a bumpy ride. Something Ned also notice with his “you’ll be wanting a sports bra by the end of this” quip. And he wasn’t wrong. Jeez…. me and the puppies got thrown about all over the place, it’s a wonder they stayed on! I’d consider suing for my two black eyes but I’m pretty sure the disclaimer we signed included boob related injuries, such was its thoroughness. Ned drove/bounced us all around the island, showing off the miles and miles of totally empty sandy shores. It was simply breathtaking. Paradise.

Shortly after we found ourselves in a place called “The desert” aptly named because it is in fact a bit of a desert, rolls and rolls of massive sand dunes and nothing at all to shelter you from the blistering sun. We headed off with our sand surfing boards and started the exhausting, thigh burning climb to the top. Our boards were pretty tiny and the higher we climbed the more apprehensive I got. The technique seemed simple enough. Get to the top of the massive dune, line up your board, hold on tight and slide down. What you don’t realise until its way too late is that you’ll be flying face first down a vertical dune, sliding at about 150mph, whilst swallowing a gut full of sand, you’ll lose both flip-flops, scream like a big girl and generally feel as if the worlds biggest hairdryer has been blown in your face – G-Force!! It was pretty bloody cool. No doubt. Yeah man! The whole gang loved it, it was hilarious watching everyone shoot down, the same bemused, startled, dazed and exhilarated look on their faces when their slide finally came to a stop….lets go again!! I laughed so much my sides hurt.

Very high and very fast

After the sand surfing we found another gorgeous deserted beach and spent some time just swimming about in the clear shallows, trying to wash the sand from every single inch of ourselves. I thought it was the perfect end to a perfect day….and then it got ever better….a school of dolphins appeared about 200 meters from us….

Wow. What a day.

I had laughed so, so much. Faced my fears, seen my very first shark and swam in beautiful clear waters with wild dolphins jumping in the distance. I can’t really do it justice, but It was without a doubt one of the best things I have ever done in my whole life and I will smile every single time I think about it.

A very, very good day!

Next stop Noosa.

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