Tag Archives: internet

Shopping for boys….

4 Jul

So I’ve gone and done it.

I am officially doing the online dating thing. Well I say doing it, technically I have written a profile and uploaded some pics….I have yet to go on my first date.

The profile bit was as expected, very painful. Only after several glasses of wine did I actually save it. It’s a really tricky thing to do, you know whatever you say is going to be read and judged by a whole load of strangers – talk about pressure.

I tried to strike the balance between normal, but not dull, fun but not annoying so, interesting but not predictable, sane and not a total freak. I even wrote in the first line that it was hard to do this without making yourself sound like a total prat….I’m not sure that was the smartest move but it’s true.

It’s all a bit weird though. It’s like setting out a little shop. You decorate your window with pictures of yourself then stick up a load of signs “funny, easy-going, not mental” in the hope some passing male browser will say “hey, I like the look of that window, I’m gonna go in and see what’s on offer…”

All the time you’re there, eagerly waiting for someone to pass by, take a peek and hopefully say they like what they see. It’s torture. And my god there are some freaky looking peeps out there. Seriously! Now I know it’s all about whats on the inside but seriously, sometimes, it just isn’t!

And it’s weird, looking for boys. You’re literally window shopping for men.

Clicking through the images with all the heart of Simon Cowell, a resounding”next!” ringing out with each click. Nope not for me…..too fat, too thin, too ginger, too pointy, too keen, too many fingers?! It’s so heartless.

But let me just tell you this. It is absolutely addictive. Shopping for boys. Such a fun way to pass the time!

So there I am. Clicking away and being clicked on (which sounds much ruder than I mean it to) so where’s it all got me…. well I’ve had some very nice messages, some ok but not quite right messages and some messages that, well, lets just say they made me feel a bit wrong….blurgh!!

But at some point, you have to progress from the messaging stage to the actual date.

Shit sticks.

So that’s where I’m at. I have a date. A date with a guy from the Internet.

If he turns out to be a total freak I’m blaming you!

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The internet is a scary place…

12 Jun

I’m still on a bit of a quest to find a good date for the dinner in the dark challenge, and thinking of suitable dates has got me mulling over the whole internet dating thing. I know some people swear by it and lots of my friends say it would be a great thing for me to do but I’m not sure….not yet anyway.

I mean really, is internet dating a good place to meet people and broaden your horizons or simply a buffet table of leftovers that no one else really fancies a nibble of…..

I did actually try it years ago, about 6 years ago to be exact and it’s a whole minefield of obstacles. Setting aside the weirdos and serial shaggers who just use these sites to pray on hopeful young ladies, it is a seriously complicated business. Every sentence you write, every image you post is viewed and judged by a total stranger – and then selected or rejected accordingly. Romantic, it isn’t

First up the profile. This should come very naturally to me, being as I waffle on about myself on a pretty regular basis…but even thinking about this brings me out in a cold sweat. It’s the pressure of the whole thing. You basically have to write something amazing, something witty and wonderful that will hopefully attract a hunky chunk of blue Stilton and not the placid, slightly sweaty piece of pork pie no one wants. You still with me or has this buffet metaphor just totally gone off?!

Ok so the profile. I’ve done a little investigating and I think there are basically two types of profile writers. Those that tell the truth and hope to be loved regardless and those that lie. Big fat, huge in your face lies.

I’d like to think I’d be the first kind of dater, honest and to the point. I mean what chance do you have of meeting someone lovely if you start off fibbing about yourself?!  Ok so just to have a bit of a practice, here’s how my honest profile write up could sound…..

Blonde, 31-year-old, ZomersetGirl, recovering from total heart-break but still a hopeless romantic. Clinging to the idea that Mr right is out there somewhere. (He’s just really good at hiding….a lot.) Slightly obsessed with cheese, dogs, Wham!, Topshop and achieving the perfect size ten body – which is in total conflict with my ass and boobs which defiantly want to stay at a size 12 regardless of what I do! Sometimes feisty, occasionally bossy, known to suffer from bursts of road rage coupled with an ongoing need to drive over the speed limit. A sort of fair weathered passion for running and Pilates but would much rather be tucking into some chocolate, whilst watching a cheesy film and sipping on a cup of tea. A true bumpkin at heart I secretly yearn to head back to Zomerset, make jam, have lots of babies and bake cakes for the local fete – although really I’m a total contradiction as I’m sure I’d be bored in a week, start drinking in the afternoon and plotting a return to the big smoke. Interests include drinking too much red wine, spending far too much money on the latest shampoo, lipstick, mascara, wonder cream going, dancing to cheesy songs, singing in my car, seeing my friends for more drinking/dancing, eating out and shopping. I should say art galleries and the like but the last time I was in a gallery it was during a hen-do when we took to the bar for some posh cocktails?! Looking for someone who thinks I’m funny, who can make me laugh, who’s passionate, not dull, loyal and just a bit brilliant. Oh and if he could be ever so slightly gorgeous too that would be a bonus….

Hmmmm….too much honesty. Maybe just a tad.

Ok so option 2, exaggerating/twisting the truth just a little bit…I could do that….

Blonde city girl with a country heart, T-total, amazing skier/horse rider, into literature, the arts and the latest pop up/underground art scene. An avid keep fit junkie, yoga and Pilates are a must, along with my daily cycle into work and the weekend salsa classes. I speak several languages, have traveled the world and absorb culture wherever I go. I can cook up a storm and count Jamie Oliver as a close personal friend. Politics and poetry are my two passions, and I’m actually in the process of publishing a collective work of poems based around the Blair/Brown relationship…..

Too much??

Doesn’t it all seem that rather a lot of work?!! I mean really, can’t I just wait for a movie moment to come along and Mr Wonderful to bump into my life….

No….arses.

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